No Resolve Means No Resolutions

I wear a lot of skirts and dresses this time of year, as they feel more forgiving, regardless of how they look.

I try not to make super strict food related resolutions in January for the simple fact that my house is filled with post-Christmas candy and treats. So I always tell myself I won't go on a diet until it's gone. Which is fine, but there's a lot of it, and I feel guilty eating it too quickly.

I've mostly just been trying not to worry about calorie counts and more about portion sizes and ingredients. I want to make things from scratch and cook with real ingredients. Sure, we had kind of a crazy sounding dinner last night (potato chowder and grilled pepper cheese sandwiches), but everything was made by me. The veggies were mostly organic and the bread came from a local bakery. I had a bowl of soup and a sandwich. For me, that's reasonable.

But the issue remains that the number on the scale is startlingly high. It's 3.5 pounds up from before the holidays and 18.5 pounds over my perfect weight (and that weight is still 5 pounds over my skinny weight where all anyone could do was tell me how terrible I looked). At this point, I'd be happy to be down 8.5 pounds. That would put me somewhere I could breath (and literally, in some of my pants). I don't want to care about pounds, but when the scale is high and your pants are tight, pounds are an easy way to track progress.

So without "dieting", I'm trying to loosen my pants. Stop eating when I'm full. Eat better food (less junk). Go to the gym more and harder. Keep moving. I'm not sure if I'll ever have the resolve to be skinny, but I'd like to think I can at least get back to where I was in the Fall. From there we make new goals. What else can you do?

Yearly recap: 2011

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Saw Super Secret Project through from beginning to (almost) end. Spoke at a conference. Wore a designer dress.
The more I think about it, 2011 wasn't really a year of new things, it was more a year of just trying to get by. And we did, but I'd like more from 2012.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
If I did make resolutions last year I didn't write them down, but it's fair to say I probably didn't keep them (and have thus blanked them out). I'm working on some more solid goals for 2012, but that will be a separate post.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Blessedly no, although a lot of people known to me.

5. What countries did you visit?


Just the good 'ol USA.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
An employed partner. Financial stability. A clear plan.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 29th. Otherwise, lots of great moments, especially traveling, but no one day above others.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Super Secret Project was a huge achievement, and I'm hoping more good will come of it. But being asked to speak at an industry conference was a close second. Oh, and getting rid of cable was huge.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I think I've not always been the partner that I could have been. I've also failed myself in terms of choosing short term indulgence over long term lifestyle changes.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing exceptional.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It barely qualifies, but I'm thinking the gigantic TV I just bought.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Rent. Starbucks. Food.

13. What did you get really excited about?
Traveling. My birthday. Christmas.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
'King of Anything' by Sara Bareilles. Particularly,
"All my life I've tried
To make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide"
And I did.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? I really don't know.
– thinner or fatter? I feel fatter anyways, although I may be the same.
– richer or poorer? I feel poorer, but I think it's probably the same.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I'd written more, read more, exercised more, and planned more.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

I wish I'd worried less (and acted more) and sat around on my ass less.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Like every year, with my family. Stockings, breakfast, wrapped presents, huge brunch with friends, and then lazing around.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Maybe UP ALL NIGHT or WHITNEY? I had a love/hate relationship with SHERLOCK.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
TRAIL OF THE SPELLMANS by Lisa Lutz (which is a cheat, because it's not out until February). All of Laurie R. King's Mary Russell books.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

I just download bits and pieces, but I've been loving Sara Bareilles, P!nk, and Lady Gaga.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
We barely saw anything, but MIDNIGHT IN PARIS and TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY were both excellent.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a celebratory day at work followed by an amazing homecooked dinner (there was a pasta course!). Then a party/karaoke the next night. I was 29.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
D getting a permanent job.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I spent 2011 feeling squished into things and out of sorts.

26. What kept you sane?
D (although he contributed to the insanity in equal parts), my family, my friends, sitcoms, books.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

When it comes down to it, you have to look after yourself and hope that the rest falls into place.

NaBloWriMo - Day 14

Well, I missed day 13 (it was unlucky, you might say). But after a beyond delightful day of working on SSP (well, that was only ok), shopping with my mom, skating, Chinese food, and hanging out with my parents, I didn't have the energy at 11:58 to whip out the iTouch to get in an entry. Still, I'm back, so that's progress. I'm also afraid to say the wheels have fallen off NaNoWriMo once again, and I think it may be too late to catch up. I've got two more weeks of intensive work on SSP and then that will be done, at which point I can free up some mental energy and time for my novel. It pushed me to get the start on paper though, and previous to that it had just been marinating in my brain whilst I was on the treadmill.

I have some things to say about ice skating and the brain waves I had whilst doing it, but I'm going to have to save those for another day. For now I'm re-acclimatizing to my regular life and sleep is unfortunately not for the weak.

NaBloWriMo - Day 12

It is easier to think about diets when you're full. Word.

NaBloWriMo- Day 11

I am where I belong, but without some of the people who belong with me. I wish I knew what the hell to do, or was brave enough to leap without worrying about the consequences.

NaBloWriMo - Day Ten

God, November sucks.

NaBloWriMo - Day 9

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is sleepy.