A Reluctant Lover of the Digital Age

I've been putting rather a lot of effort this weekend into trying to be a little more present and not just be hypnotized by the television. I've watched some TV, to be sure, but less than usual certainly and I've spent more time sitting and reading. The nice thing about the TV not being on is that if I'm sitting and reading on one couch in the living room, now D. can come and sit on another couch and read too. In this kind of heat and humidity, the living room is the coolest room in the house with the blinds shut and the fan on. It's been really peaceful.

I started (and finished) a book (SUCCUBUS BLUES) I bought yesterday at my local used bookstore. He was having a half off sale for his Twitter followers, and while I didn't really intend to buy anything much, I ended up leaving with the first five books in Richelle Mead's 'Georgina Kincaid' series (his argument being that I would certainly like the first book, and when I came back to buy the rest they would be gone and if they weren't they would certainly not be half price). Once I finished that I had a yen to read the third book in another series I've been reading, Deanna Raybourn's 'Lady Julia Grey' series, but I couldn't find it at the bookstore or the library branch we visited. In my search of the library website though, I discovered the e-book of SILENT ON THE MOOR was available for borrowing. A few downloads later and I was reading the book via Adobe Digital Editions and Overdrive on my laptop. I was able to settle on the deck outside and read for several hours, until the sky opened and outdoor reading became less prudent.

I'm a reluctant e-book reader. I work in publishing (in an area that depends on physical books) and my parents own a bookstore (who require physical books to make a living). And beyond those selfishly financial considerations, I just can't seem to part with the idea of a printed book in my hands. I want it sitting on the shelf, where I can see it and touch it, until I've read it and then onwards after. I can't argue with the convenience of e-books, and certainly I can think of instances in my life where a reader full of books would have been invaluable (our summer in Germany, for instance, or three weeks in India). Those were occasions where English books were dear and our luggage could simply not accommodate the number of books I would likely blow through. Curling up in an armchair with a warm e-reader certainly holds little appeal for me, but I'm beginning to accept it as a necessary (and convenient) evil. I wanted to read SILENT ON THE MOOR, I didn't want to go out and buy it, my library didn't have it available, but the e-book was there to instantly gratify me. All the same, I can't help but feel something of a traitor.

My 30th Year - T-minus 83 Days

I'm sitting here on my couch on July 1st (aka Canada Day). It should have been a supremely relaxing day. I don't get very many opportunities to relax, at home, without having to get up early or go out in the evening or have to do SOMETHING for SOMEONE. And I did get a good night's sleep, I had a nice sleep-in, we had Eggs Benny for breakfast, and I lounged on the couch for a few hours. But then the whole thing went downhill. Without going into all the details, now I'm feeling stressed, chubby, and like a lazy blob.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I have an endless ability to envision self-improvement but very little will to see it through. I realized that I have less than 90 days until I turn 29 and when I turn 29 I will be in my 30th year. I think the time has come to suck it up, buckle down, and make a little time for some badly needed changes.

My first act on this countdown to my 30th year was to cancel our cable and home phone. I only talk to my parents on the home phone (and screen telemarketers), and I've got free long distance to them on my cell phone, so it seemed a waste. The cable cancellation is partly a financial savings but also a lifestyle choice. The amount of time I spend sitting on my ass watching syndicated sitcoms I've seen a zillion times before is truly shocking. The number of things I could be doing instead is endless. So I've made a decision to cut the cord, literally, and try to make my TV viewing a little more intentional. Once I've paid the last bill, we'll get a big TV, an HDMI cable, and I'll start watching new shows through the internet.

I'm proud of myself, actually, because this is a big step for me. There are a lot more steps to take though, to improve my body, mind, spirit, and pocketbook. I'm trying not to set crazy goals, but I'm trying to have faith in my capacity for change.

Have the way, Missing the will

Here's the most heartbreaking thing about my current difficulties getting into the swing of Project Bananas and, to a less extent, The Happiness Project: I know what I need to do to feel happier and more content, I just can't get up the energy to actually DO it.

There are no magic wands in this life, I know this. In order to feel better about my body, I need to eat better (and less) and exercise more. To write a book, I need to make time everyday to write some words. To improve at the violin, I need to practice. To read more, I need to turn off the TV and open a book.

None of this is brain surgery. All of it would make me happier. But somehow, at the end of each and every day, I have the energy only to make dinner, and then collapse on the couch in a heap of sweatpants.

There will never be a better time than this moment to achieve any of these goals, so I somehow have to remember that in 60 years, god willing, I will never wish that I'd watched more re-runs of Friends or How I Met Your Mother. Life is for the living, and reruns are for sick days and heartbreak.

Reinventing the Wheel

In a certain sense, I've already failed. My goal for this week was to blog every day and I failed on day two. I have an excuse, of course, which was that I had an office social obligation after work, had a couple of beers, and got home later than usual. I was also exhausted, thanks to the car pushing the night before. But honestly, I think I was also mentally exhausted from all the thinking I've been doing thanks to reading The Happiness Project.

I'm not quite finished, but I honestly think that it's already changed me a bit. All my spare moments have been devoted to thinking up what my personal commandments might be. All I've got so far is "Love thy neighbour, or find explanations in charity", but given the amount I rage about both my actual neighbours and just other people out in the world, it's an excellent first step.

Where I keep getting stuck is Gretchen Rubin's first commandment, "Be Gretchen". She uses it as a reminder that at the end of the day, she can't completely subvert her personality (I think). So I keep coming up with possible commandments (Don't take it so personally), but then I wonder if that's just who I am, a person who takes relationships of all kinds very seriously. Needless to say, I have another 11 commandments to obsess over in the coming days.

Anyways, it's Friday night, I've got a weekend of potential creativity and reinvention ahead of me, as long as I can manage not to sleep it away. I'd like to come up with a few more commandments and also work on some resolutions and secrets of adulthood. Wish me luck...

Resolved-ish

It's probably not escaped anyone's notice that it is now February. You would think that the ideal time for picking up Project Bananas again after an extended hiatus would be January, but you would be wrong. That would be too predictable. I had it all planned out in my head...

I'm lying, of course. January passed by in a blur of social engagements, trying to go to the gym, work, Super Mario Galaxy, and some vague promises to myself to eat better. But the more I think of it, February is actually a MUCH better time to start such a project up again. It helps that my months old hold at the library for a book called THE HAPPINESS PROJECT by Gretchen Rubin finally arrived.

I picked up the book last week, but once I started reading it last night I could barely put it down. By the end of this morning's bus trip to work I was halfway through and by noon I'd already signed up for an account at The Happiness Project Toolbox. I realized that between The Happiness Project and Project Bananas, I think I can really truly get my ass in gear and get some goals accomplished.

Here's how it's going to go down: I'm going to (try to) post a new Project Bananas project every week. I'm also going to post regular updates on how my progress on my Happiness Project projects are going. In the short term, that's going to involve ironing out my Personal Commandments and Secrets of Adulthood. Once I've got those figured out, I can move on to working out some more concrete resolutions to go with my Bananas Projects. I think the difference is that while the resolutions will be speak to changing behaviour and mindset in the grander scheme, the Bananas Projects will focus on short term goals and achievements. So, being a more patient girlfriend vs. practicing my violin every day.

It's barely been 24 hours since I started THE HAPPINESS PROJECT (the book), but already I'm seeing a difference in my attitude. I shoveled the walk this morning while I was waiting for the bus, as a nice surprise to D and the next door neighbours (we seem to have a nice back and forth with them in terms of shoveling). I was logical and realistic about a disappointment at work and didn't let it derail my day. I went to the gym even though I didn't want to (and felt better for it, damn it). I was more patient during a conversation with D where I might have lost my temper. And I was resolved to have a good attitude about an email that I received regarding a work event.

Anyways, between THE HAPPINESS PROJECT and Project Bananas, I'm feeling totally and completely inspired.

So, to start (again) at the very beginning (again), this week's Project Bananas is Be a Famous Blogger (again). That'll mean blogging every day for the next week. As yet, I forsee no impediments to prevent me from succeeding at this goal. I'll also be working on getting my Happiness Project elements going.

It's good to be back, if only I can keep it up.

If at first you don't suceed, make your goal even smaller

I'm not even going to talk about how I'm not doing what I set out to do here. Instead, I'm going to try to get back on track one small step at a time. First up, goals for the weekend. By hook or by crook, I shall have accomplished the following by Sunday night:
1) Finish KIND AND USUAL PUNISHMENT by Jessica Mitford. It's taunting me on my Goodreads page with it's unfinished status, and I have mere pages to go.
2) Exercise every day. It'll probably be running at the gym Friday, weights at the gym Saturday, and something involving my iTouch or Wii Fit on Sunday.
3) Practice my violin twice. Because really, it's just getting embarassing.
4) Play Rock Band 2 on Wii. It makes me happy and I don't make time for it.
5) Write 1000 words. Could be the old project, could be something new.
6) Update the hell out of the store website. Enough said.

Now go forth and succeed!

We Interupt this Banana for an Important Bulletin: Project Bittman

I did not come up with a new project last week, nor this week, but I swear I have a good excuse! I have undertaken a project rather larger in scale that has kind of been taking up my energy.

I read the book FOOD MATTERS by Mark Bittman and I was totally inspired. I've been really trying over the last six months or so to eat less processed food, and that's been reasonably successful. But Bittman takes it a step further with the idea that we should eat more vegetables, less meat, and be overall more conscious about where our food comes from. And of course, since I live for a project, I decided that I wanted to really make a change to the way we eat.

Over the last two weeks I've been trying to eat more fruits and vegetables and less meat and junk, sort of trying to ease into the whole thing. I realized that the only way this way of eating will be successful for D and I is if I really take the bull by the horns and get cooking (more than we already do). So this weekend I kicked it up a notch, and when we were at the market picked up some grains (farro and couscous), beans (red kidney and cranberry romano), and a bunch of vegetables.

I bought this amazing salad last week at one of those salad places where you can put virtually anything in a salad and I wanted to replicate it. I roasted red peppers and beets tonight, I'm going to slow roast some grape tomatoes, and I need to do something with zucchini. Now I can assemble salads or combine the veggies with couscous or beans for something totally delicious.

It's a small step, I think, to a way bigger change in attitude to eating and life but I'm excited to make it.