Reinventing the Wheel

In a certain sense, I've already failed. My goal for this week was to blog every day and I failed on day two. I have an excuse, of course, which was that I had an office social obligation after work, had a couple of beers, and got home later than usual. I was also exhausted, thanks to the car pushing the night before. But honestly, I think I was also mentally exhausted from all the thinking I've been doing thanks to reading The Happiness Project.

I'm not quite finished, but I honestly think that it's already changed me a bit. All my spare moments have been devoted to thinking up what my personal commandments might be. All I've got so far is "Love thy neighbour, or find explanations in charity", but given the amount I rage about both my actual neighbours and just other people out in the world, it's an excellent first step.

Where I keep getting stuck is Gretchen Rubin's first commandment, "Be Gretchen". She uses it as a reminder that at the end of the day, she can't completely subvert her personality (I think). So I keep coming up with possible commandments (Don't take it so personally), but then I wonder if that's just who I am, a person who takes relationships of all kinds very seriously. Needless to say, I have another 11 commandments to obsess over in the coming days.

Anyways, it's Friday night, I've got a weekend of potential creativity and reinvention ahead of me, as long as I can manage not to sleep it away. I'd like to come up with a few more commandments and also work on some resolutions and secrets of adulthood. Wish me luck...

Resolved-ish

It's probably not escaped anyone's notice that it is now February. You would think that the ideal time for picking up Project Bananas again after an extended hiatus would be January, but you would be wrong. That would be too predictable. I had it all planned out in my head...

I'm lying, of course. January passed by in a blur of social engagements, trying to go to the gym, work, Super Mario Galaxy, and some vague promises to myself to eat better. But the more I think of it, February is actually a MUCH better time to start such a project up again. It helps that my months old hold at the library for a book called THE HAPPINESS PROJECT by Gretchen Rubin finally arrived.

I picked up the book last week, but once I started reading it last night I could barely put it down. By the end of this morning's bus trip to work I was halfway through and by noon I'd already signed up for an account at The Happiness Project Toolbox. I realized that between The Happiness Project and Project Bananas, I think I can really truly get my ass in gear and get some goals accomplished.

Here's how it's going to go down: I'm going to (try to) post a new Project Bananas project every week. I'm also going to post regular updates on how my progress on my Happiness Project projects are going. In the short term, that's going to involve ironing out my Personal Commandments and Secrets of Adulthood. Once I've got those figured out, I can move on to working out some more concrete resolutions to go with my Bananas Projects. I think the difference is that while the resolutions will be speak to changing behaviour and mindset in the grander scheme, the Bananas Projects will focus on short term goals and achievements. So, being a more patient girlfriend vs. practicing my violin every day.

It's barely been 24 hours since I started THE HAPPINESS PROJECT (the book), but already I'm seeing a difference in my attitude. I shoveled the walk this morning while I was waiting for the bus, as a nice surprise to D and the next door neighbours (we seem to have a nice back and forth with them in terms of shoveling). I was logical and realistic about a disappointment at work and didn't let it derail my day. I went to the gym even though I didn't want to (and felt better for it, damn it). I was more patient during a conversation with D where I might have lost my temper. And I was resolved to have a good attitude about an email that I received regarding a work event.

Anyways, between THE HAPPINESS PROJECT and Project Bananas, I'm feeling totally and completely inspired.

So, to start (again) at the very beginning (again), this week's Project Bananas is Be a Famous Blogger (again). That'll mean blogging every day for the next week. As yet, I forsee no impediments to prevent me from succeeding at this goal. I'll also be working on getting my Happiness Project elements going.

It's good to be back, if only I can keep it up.

Project Bananas: Week Seven: Don't Be a Couch Potato

Project Bananas: Don't Be a Couch Potato has actually been surprisingly tough. On more than a couple occasions I've wanted to just collapse on the couch and watch something comforting but I've stuck with it. There were even a few times where I just turned the TV off and used my computer in silence because there wasn't anything on that I hadn't already seen. Considering that I like to have the TV on as a backdrop, this was a big step.

But talk about first world problems, what I'm really having a problem doing is catching up on my PVR. It could be a reflection of the fact that life is a bit stressful right now, but all I really have the energy for is 30 minute sitcoms. Anything longer than that and it feels like too much to commit to. In addition, those 60 minute shows are all dramas, and I think maybe that's because I just need something lighter in my life. Even tonight, I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress (episodes I haven't seen) instead of anything on my PVR.

This weekend is going to be pretty nutty, but I'm hoping to find a couple of opportunities to hack away at the PVR. I get a strange sense of accomplishment from clearing it up, and lord knows I can always use more of that feeling,

Who needs therapy when you have a blog?

I think we can all agree that Project Bananas is not going quite as I had planned. It's not that I'm not achieving my goals, per say, but I'm definitely not blogging about them in the way I'd hoped. In order for this all to be successful, there needs to be a record.

I actually spend a goodly amount of time thinking about Project Bananas and this blog. If there was a way to take blog entries that I compose on the treadmill directly from my brain to the screen, I would be prolific. Sadly, there is not, so I have to find a better way to manage this. I convince myself that I have too much to do, that there isn't enough time, and that my right to relax in the evening is paramount to everything.

But take this evening for instance. I went to the gym after work and got home at 6:30, ready to make dinner. It turned out that the pork tenderloin I defrosted was short ribs, so D and I had to quickly make an executive decision to cook them. While the ribs started in the oven, I practiced my violin. As we speak, the ribs continue to cook and I'm getting a blog post in. It's 7:45. Who says I don't have time?

My problem is that if I'm not doing 100%, then I want to give in. In a sense, practicing my violin every day is easier than 4-5 days a week because with daily practice there are no excuses. With 4-5 days, I can put a day off to do later and before I know it, I haven't practiced at all.

So Project Bananas: Become Violin Virtuoso continues until Sunday. I was unexpectedly out of town for the weekend, so that was a bust, but I practiced Monday and today (Wednesday) so far. I'm trying and it feels good.

Project Bananas: Week Four: Become Violin Virtuoso

The hope for Project Bananas: Become Violin Virtuoso was that it was achievable since I had a violin lesson last week and this week (usually they are every two weeks). The results were pretty good, but not as flawless as I had hoped. I practiced Monday, had my lesson Tuesday, practiced Thursday and Saturday. Upside? That's four days out of seven that I practice. Downside? What was my problem Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. It only takes 20 minutes to practice, at minimum, so I should be able to find time for that every day.

I'm struggling with trying to decide whether my expectations of myself are too high or I'm not trying hard enough. It felt good going into my violin lesson yesterday feeling like I was somewhat prepared, even though I'm still on a steep learning curve. I don't think practicing every single day is every going to be doable. But practicing 5 out of 7 days? I think that is very achievable.

So I think that maybe Project Bananas: Week Five will be an extension of Become Violin Virtuoso. I had my lesson yesterday and I haven't practiced today (cooking, doing my taxes, and website stuff occupied my attention). So that leaves five more days that I need to practice four of. I think I can do it.

Project Bananas: Week Four: Become Violin Virtuoso

This was supposed to be easier. I mean, I knew it would be a challenge, and that was the whole point. But I never had any idea that it would be this hard this soon. It's been one thing after another. First I was traveling, then I was sick, then I was traveling again.

What I keep reminding myself is that the whole point of this project is to push myself into achieving more. The success rate is not going to be 100%, and that's ok.

So, week four. As it turns out, this has actually started pretty well. I restarted taking violin lessons at the beginning of the year after 10 years of lessons followed by 10 years of not playing. My lessons were my Christmas gift from my parents. I thought that it would be way easier this time around because as an adult I`m more responsible now and I might actually practice once or twice. Turns out, I`m no more responsible than I was 10 years ago.

Project Bananas: Week Four is Become (a) Violin Virtuoso which is to say I`m going to try to practice almost every day. I practiced on Monday, had my lesson on Tuesday, worked late on Wednesday (so no practice), and practice tonight (Thursday). Three out of four nights isn`t bad. I think I may actually be able to pull this one off.

Project Bananas: Week Three, Day Six: Become Bestselling Novelist

Just a little bit of housekeeping... Project Bananas needs a little bit of tweaking to make it more workable. Starting a new project on a Friday doesn't seem to be working for whatever reason so from here on out, new projects will begin on a Monday. That means Week Four is actually going to start Monday, April 5th. Project "Become Bestselling Novelist" will thus have another 5 days in action (counting today) which with the addition of the two days from Week Two will make an entire weeks worth of projecting.

As you were...

Project Bananas: Week Three: Fail Better

Well, fuck. That went completely off the rails, didn't it? In fairness to me, here's what happened:
Project Bananas: Week Two: Become Famous Novelist started beautifully. I wrote the requisite word count on Friday and Saturday. I was traveling back home from DC on Sunday and due to a layover had twice as much time as the trip would usually take, so I figured I'd write on the second plane ride. Unfortunately, by the time I actually got on the plane, we were running over an hour late and I was sunburnt and cranky. I figured I'd get back on track on Monday.

Monday was busy and I knew I wouldn't have time to blog or write in the daytime because I was at work. But as the day itself went on, I felt progressively wretched and finally had to ask my boyfriend to come pick me up from work (a rare occurrence, I assure you). I slept until dinner was ready, ate D's amazing Indian Feast, and then crashed again. By this time my throat was hurting and my glands were swollen and painful to touch. Idiot that I am, I trundled off to work on Tuesday morning only to actually get sicker on the bus to work and I headed straight to a walk-in clinic. 45 minutes, a strep throat diagnosis, and a prescription for penicillin later and I was headed back home where I would spend the next two days wallowing in pain. Needless to say, no writing was written.

Thursday and Friday were all about madly catching up on work and sleep, the weekend was extremely social, and Monday was my last day in the office before ANOTHER trip. Project Bananas had so completely gone off the rails at this point that it hardly seemed worth worrying about. Now it's Wednesday (so really, it should be Week Three, Day 6) and I'm trying to put the pieces back together.

Here's the thing though. Project Bananas is my evil genius and as such I make the rules. And my rules involve a lot of opportunities for redemption, because lord knows I'm going to need them. Plus no-one is reading this anyways. That doesn't matter though. The ultimate goal of Project Bananas was to make me more accountable to myself for my ideas and dreams. Acknowledging a project's failure (and not even failure, at that) and moving on and continuing is what I want this to be all about.

So Mea Culpa, and in the words of Samuel Beckett, "All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Project Bananas: Week Two: Become Bestselling Novelist

To my mind, week one of Project Bananas, otherwise known as "Become Famous Blogger" was an unmitigated success. I missed one day for a pretty good reason and wrote one patheticly short post. But what I was hoping to prove to myself was that I could do something and stick to it, which I think I did pretty ably.

When it came to choosing the project for week two, I had to be discerning. I'm in Washington DC right now and so am filled with inspiration to do all sorts of crazy things. But when it came down to it, I had to choose something that I can achieve while being in DC (and away from home and my regular routine) for the next few days. So I decided that Project Bananas, Week Two will be "Become Famous Novelist".

I've always wanted to write and always been foiled by my complete inability to finish anything. Now that I work in publishing, I'm way more familiar with the pitfalls of getting a book published, not least of which is that the book is changing every single day. I feel a certain amount of pressure to submit a novel to an agent before the landscape of publishing changes completely. But I'm also not going to go forward with anything unless I think it's worth it.

Of course, before I can even think about submitting a novel to an agent, I need to actually finish the damn thing. So "Become Famous Novelist" will entail writing at least 500 words of the project I'm working on every day.

Today I'm pretending to be independently wealthy and the kind of person who can afford to sit at Starbucks all day writing. Wish me luck.

Project Bananas: Week One, Day Seven: Become Famous Blogger

I could choose to look at my lack of blogging yesterday as a failure of Project Bananas: Become Famous Blogger. But I choose to look at it as a reflection of the challenges I'm going to face as Project Bananas continues. I simply had NO time. I was at my desk by 8am, I didn't leave until 5:30pm when I walked to the hotel where I was getting the shuttle to the airport. Yes, there was wi-fi on the bus (which was awesome for some iTouch), but I really kind of wanted to listen to music and watch the scenery go by. I got to the airport and of course they make you pay for wifi. So I checked in, went through security and wandered around a bit before reading my (amazing) book at the gate. I arrived in DC late and by the time I got to my sister's place, the baby was up and we were trying to get him back to sleep.

Which is all to say, there was not really time. But I think that's ok. I've blogged six days out of seven, and that's an amazing accomplishment. I have a habit of qutting something entirely as soon as I fail at something slightly (ie, every diet or workout plan I've ever tried in my life). I don't think that's conducive to long term accomplishments and the whole point of Project Bananas to be more (and FEEL more) accomplished.

I have the rare opportunity to wander around DC (one of my favorite cities) and maybe even go write a little on the project I started. I'll also do some thinking about what the next Project Bananas will be. Week two starts tomorrow!

Project Bananas: Week One, Day Four: Become Famous Blogger

I'm not kidding, I think this might be a record. It's day four and I'm still at it!

I'm pretty proud of my self actually, which is good because my violin lesson was a bit of an ego-batterer. I practice, not quite as much as I should, but I do practice. So it completely baffles me that I still sound so terrible. I played violin for 10 years as a kid/teenager. I was no virtuoso, but I was a more than proficient player. Now I'm struggling to bow straight and stay in tune. Forget shifting and vibratto.

I think it's pretty clear what the next Project Bananas is going to be. I'm hoping that Project Bananas: Become Famous Blogger will have given me some stick-to-it-iveness to be able to improve my violin playing because the screeching I've got going on is really not doing it for me.

More than anything, I want to be able to walk away from all of this with the knowledge that I can start something, finish it, and be kind of awesome in the process. I want to know that I've really suceeded at something and feel proud of myself.

Project Bananas: Week One, Day Two: Become Famous Blogger

Well, it's day two of a new project and the "just started a new project" euphoria continues. It's at this moment that I'm always the most optimistic. I've made it to day two, I'm still feeling enthusiastic, and the possibilities seem endless. Of course, the past would dictate that the thin end of the wedge is inserted tomorrow and the whole thing rapidly falls apart. But that's not going to happen this time.



I was lying in bed last night, feeling pretty excited about this whole project. I was raised to believe that I could do anything I wanted. Really and truly. My parents genuinely believed (and still believe) that I am capable of anything as long as I try hard enough. This has always been the problem though. I am a chronic underachiever in my personal life (let's take work right out of the equation here, I love my job, I work hard, and I'm good at it). I have never put 100% effort into a personal project. And it shows. I'm pretty good at lots of things, but amazing at nothing.



I was a smidgen overscheduled as a teenager. I went to a competitive high school, played hockey/ringette/field hockey, took violin/piano/singing lessons, debated, participated in school plays and rock shows, participated in church services, volunteered, and babysat. I had a extremely full life, but I couldn't really put all my attention or effort into any one thing because I had so much else going on. I think maybe my mother regrets that, but I certainly don't. I got to do everything that I wanted to do and never felt like I missed out.



But now, I wonder if that maybe didn't set me up to succeed as an adult. I have trouble sticking to ANYTHING from diets, to cleaning rotas, to flossing every night. I really want to break the cycle though, so that's why Project Bananas is so important to me. I don't have anything to prove to anyone else, but I do want to prove to myself that I can do this. Fingers crossed.

Project Bananas: Week One: Become Famous Blogger

I've been reading blogs for about 8 years now, ever since I read a website that someone left open on my laptop in my dorm room. That person had a list of links, once of which was Dooce, and then I started reading her. Then SHE had a bunch of links that I started reading, and before I knew it I was following the lives of a bunch of people that I've never met. Dooce was certainly not the web phenomenon then that she is now and all I can think is that if only I'd started a blog then I too could be a famous blogger now.

Let's be honest though, everyone and their dog has a blog now. I'm not really sure that the world needs more Famous Bloggers or that it has any interest in them. And what on earth do I want to be a Famous Blogger for anyways? The fame? The free stuff that I might not want? The potentially nasty comments from trolls?

That said, it's those blogging dogs that make me think that if THEY can do it, then surely I, an intelligent, creative, and witty person can manage it. I love to write, I have interesting and hilarious things to say, and I think it would be nice to have a record some day of all the crazy things I think of. So for the next week Project Bananas is all about getting this blog started. I hereby pledge on my beloved iTouch that I will blog SOMETHING every day this week.

Project Bananas: The Beginning

I'm pretty sure we've all been there. You read something, sawsomething, or heard something that got your imagination going and suddenly hatched a crazy plan in your mind. Maybe it was to quit your job and travel the world, write a bestselling novel, or get a body like a supermodel. But it doesn't take long before reality sets in and holes start poking their way into your plan. Your career and finances can't really take the hit of a long trip, you can't find the time to park yourself in front of your laptop, and the muscleheads at the gym scared you out of the weight room. So you abandon the project, convince yourself it was a crazy idea, feel guilty about it, and then forgot about the whole incident.

But here's the thing. Maybe it wasn't such a crazy idea after all? Or maybe the idea was a little bit crazy, but at heart of it was actually something totally reasonable. Maybe you just needed to start on a little smaller of a scale.

I'm the queen of insane projects. Some of them I tell people about and some of them only exist in my mind (mostly because I'm too embarassed to tell people about them). I've started and failed more projects than many people have ever even thought of in their entire lives. That's what comes from having an overactive imagination but being a classic underachiever. Besides, if you never actually finish something, does it really count as a failure? In my mind, the possibilities are truly endless because none of my projects ever come to fruition.

I think I've been working up to the idea for a while, but it finally came to me today. It's a very long story involving the 'Thursday Next' series by Jasper Fforde, used bookstores, and a walk home in the cold and pouring rain. But on the walk home the plan solidified in my mind. What if every time you came up with a wild and crazy idea you dialed it back to something achievable in the short term? Then, when and if (but totally when, right?) you achieve your short term goal you can either work up to a more involved version of Original Crazy Plan or perhaps even Original Crazy Plan itself.

And thus, Project Bananas (ie. totally crazy) was born. Every week, I'm going to tame one of my crazy ideas and trim it down into something I can achieve in 7 days. Hopefully I'll succeed and hopefully you'll want to read about it (or at least my mother will...).